Fictional Love Letter

This week’s exercise involves writing a fictional love letter based on any one of the following scenarios:

– A criminal in love with a police officer, or vice versa
– A teenager in love with a forty year old teacher (specify subject), or vice versa
– A love letter to Elizabeth Ramsey
– To Manny, from Eric Morales with love
– A corporate employee in love with an overbearing HR personnel

Here’s what I did:

Dear Ma’am Suzie—the most beautiful Math Teacher in the planet:

How do u do it? … How do u affected me so?

With a slyt brush of ur hand, you send a gatrillion electric surges into my system juz like a death row prisoner being electrocuted for being in love two much. With a curve of ur mouth, you are causing an anti-gravitty field that allows me to hav a sensation akin to an astronaut in zero gravitty—floating n floating as if I will nevr fall.

But I am falling. So fast, so deep … into a bottomless pit of an abbyss that can not be measured by miles, kms or even sonar coz that’s what you are—you are infinitie in your beauty and wisdom. Oh, when you do those mathematrical problems, I wish I was d solution so that you can deliciously recite me off your sultrie lips or gracefully write me on the black board using ur delicately tender juicy fingers.

I have falling in luv with you so much that it hurts a lot even when I’m not aching. I love you. I love all of you and especially you.

Romantically imprisoned to you,
Harold
6th Grade

P.S. Mwah!

—

Harold,

You put this letter on my desk instead of Ms. Suzie’s (we switched tables a week ago) but I couldn’t help but read it. I guess you mean well but as your English teacher, I must say that you need to work harder on getting your grammar and spelling right. If this was your homework, I would grade it an “F”.

Try again please.

Mr. Celestino Contapay
English Department